that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
