like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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