shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
