I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
