When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
