I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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