If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
