Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
