It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
