he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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