He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
