Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
