**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
