Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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