Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
