why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
