my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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