I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
