try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
