At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
