I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
