our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
