so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
