Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
