oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
