so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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