And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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