take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
