somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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