she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
