He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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