i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
