It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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