do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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