You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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