I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize