go do what you do best...puke behind churches
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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