I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
