I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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