Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
