Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
