doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize