Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
