i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
