I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
