I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
