Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
