Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
