mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
