My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
