Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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