and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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