Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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