How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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