saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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