Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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