I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
