There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
