i already hear my dad disowning me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
