I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
