party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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