there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
