Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
