He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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