"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think my vagina is haunted
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
