matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
