He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
