The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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