I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
